Examen

Ah man…

I had quite a rough week.  It would appear last week’s prayer post about John’s Gospel leading my soteriology thought hit a nerve.  I received a few pointed comments I am not publishing right now.  I am still struggling with that decision.  I was confronted pretty hard face to face by someone in another public forum where I openly shared how John’s Gospel leads my soteriology.  I am still struggling with that interaction...my attitude and my behavior.

I choose a public forum to pray.

I choose a public forum to talk about my relationship with our Triune God.

Is this like ‘kiss and tell?’

Am I building a Tower, if you will, like I questioned on October 6th?

If I don’t publish the pointed comments is this blog actually proselytizing?

Others’ responses to questions I pose are as legitimate and heartfelt as the questions themselves.

My prayer ~ conversation ~ is all about the questions and listening to the answers or pondering

questions presented to me as answers; moving me deeper into my heart...opening my soul...helping me to become vulnerable to dependence on God alone.

Am I too selfish to open myself to others’ prayers?

Am I too frightened to truthfully open myself to my OWN prayer…

I pray I will pray free of any agenda always.

I pray Jesus will never have to say to me, “If I question, you will not respond.”

         ~ Luke 22:  68

I pray I will invite others to pray with me free of an agenda always.

I pray I will hear another's prayer always.

I pray I will live God is Love always. 

I pray I will feel God's Love through another person always. 

I pray (my soul) will leap in (my) womb, filling with the Holy Spirit when I am greeted by another always. 

          ~ Luke 1:  41

I pray (others' souls) will leap in (their) wombs, and be filled with the Holy Spirit when I greet them always. 

         ~ Luke 1:  41

Ah man…

This is the First Sunday of Advent.  Perhaps it is only fitting that I enter this Advent Season...this First Sunday of the Church Year...challenged by my own prayer…

Am I truly feeling 'the kingdom of God is at hand...within me?'

         ~ Luke 17:  21

Peace.

John's Gospel in my heart, in my prayer ~ John 18:37

John’s Gospel challenges me.  I struggled for years trying to grasp John’s gospel as Gospel, if you will.  John’s Gospel is filled with editorial comments:  Jesus knew...Jesus was testing them...I was Jesus’ beloved.  

WARNING ~ tangent!

Hehehe.  Looks like this son of Zebedee never really let go of “When you’re king, can I sit at your right?”  Those Zebedee boys…

Alright...alrightalright.

I feel John’s Gospel is more like a document testifying to his relationship with Jesus rather than relaying events.  John’s Gospel, then, is more like his blog, if you will.

The Synoptic Gospels do have editorial comments, too, I’ll give you that. I do believe their comments are added through the Midrash tradition, though.

I like Midrash.  Every time a homily is presented, a preacher exclaims, two people share God Talk...we are midrash-ing...hehehe.  

I understand the most famous of the Midrash additions in the New Testament is ‘all are invited; but few are chosen’  something along that line, anyway.

I join a group of men from my church every week for God Talk.  We share how The Word affects us personally.  Imagine...MEN engaged in God Talk...openly...vulnerably...without fear of being wrong!

Whoa...as usual, I am all over the place here, huh?

Alright…alrightalright.

Scholars separate John from the other three evangelists, the Synoptic Gospels.  I don’t pretend to know what all of that means. It is enough for me to just hear it said…

Alright...alrightalright.

I am getting way over my head, here...digging myself into a hole too deep…

Alright...alrightalright.

I started this prayer post with the intention of writing three lines…

Even as I share my thoughts about John’s Gospel...my challenges and struggles...my whole theology is based on John’s Truth and God’s Will in Emmanuel ~ God is with us...

Here we go…

I share in my profile that I hold John’s Truth ~ God is Love ~ as my own.

John shares with us how Pilate and Jesus’ conversation progressed during Jesus’ trial.  Here Jesus outlines so clearly...so succinctly...Why God manifested as Human...What The Word made Flesh ~ Emmanuel ~ mission was, 

“For this I was born 

and for this I came into the world,
to testify to the truth.”

~ John 18:  37

Whoa…

In a much earlier prayer post ~ The Triumph of the Cross ~ In my heart ~ I suggested Jesus’ trial and crucifixion were natural consequences of his behavior.  

Am I in trouble yet?  

I hold that The Cross was ~ still is in too many ways ~ a natural consequence of Jesus’ words and actions. Jesus bucked the religious system. He challenged everyone: the righteous and societal sinners alike ~ you and me. I believe Human Jesus understood this; that it didn’t take Divine Jesus to ‘prophesy’ the catastrophe...

It is our propensity to judge one another.

We judge God’s Word relentlessly to support our personal agenda..our tradition...our culture...

Man alive, we judge Jesus through Jesus’ own words and actions.

We judge The Word manifest in Flesh.

And we kill him…

See, when I hear John report Jesus’ words...one more time…

 “For this I was born 

and for this I came into the world,
to testify to the truth.”

~ John 18:  37

I am struck to the heart.  I cry.  I praise God.

I am on this page!  God is Love.  I cannot grasp the tradition that God’s Will is for Jesus to die on the cross to save us from our sins.  I cannot grasp that God wants ANYONE to be killed. I believe...feel our Triune God knew that as Word Made Flesh God would be crucified. Our Triune God is all knowing...omniscient.  Knowing and Willing are two different things:  apples and oranges, if you will.

I am on this page!  God is Love.  I can clearly hear God saying, “Maintain Integrity to God is Love.  Stay the course with the message Emmanuel.” 

The ultimate God is Love for me

God is walking through the Garden looking for the First Two People even after knowing what they did…calling out to us,

“Where are you?”

Jesus waits for us at the tomb even after what we did to him...calling out to us by name,

“Mary.”

I wonder sometimes if Original Sin ~ if in fact there is such a thing or is it tradition ~ is a lack of integrity, a lack of responsibility, a lack of accountability...After all, the First two people kept making excuses and blaming another for their behavior.

JESUS MAINTAINED INTEGRITY.

JESUS MAINTAINED A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.

JESUS ASSUMED ACCOUNTABILITY TO THE WORD.

And we killed him.

I can hear God saying to Jesus, “Maintain Integrity to God is Love.  Stay the course with the message Emmanuel.  I am with you through it all.  BE God is Love ‘even unto death; death on a cross’. Let them kill us if they want to. Let them kill us if they need to.  Wait for them at the end.  Wait for them at the new beginning.  Show them Emmanuel Always.”

Ah man…

I cry.

Feel our hearts beat and sigh...

Jesus before Pilate ~ Teach me to pray

Ah man…

Listen to this…

Hear the questions...note the type of questions...do they foster conversation or are they closed ~ yes or no answers...questions asked with an agenda...questions asked with only ONE acceptable answer expected by the interrogator...

Pilate said to Jesus,
"Are you the King of the Jews?" 

Jesus answered, 

"Do you say this on your own
or have others told you about me?" 

Pilate answered, "I am not a Jew, am I?
Your own nation and the chief priests handed you over to me.
What have you done?"

Jesus answered, 

"My kingdom does not belong to this world.
If my kingdom did belong to this world,
my attendants would be fighting
to keep me from being handed over to the Jews.
But as it is, my kingdom is not here." 

So Pilate said to him, "Then you are a king?" 

Jesus answered,

 "You say I am a king.
For this I was born 

and for this I came into the world,
to testify to the truth.
Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice."

~ John 18: 33-37

All right now.  Check this out! Again, the questions…yeah, one question is actually a demand...

The interrogators brought an agenda.

I struggle to find ‘prayer’ here.  Jesus, sadly to me says, “If I question, you will not respond.”

They said, 

"If you are the Messiah, tell us," 

but he replied to them, 

"If I tell you, you will not believe.

  

If I question, you will not respond.”

~ Luke 22:  67 - 68

Ah man…

I cry.

I pray I will pray free of any agenda always.

I pray Jesus will never have to say to me, “If I question, you will not respond.”

I pray I will invite others to pray with me free of an agenda always.

I pray I will hear another's prayer always.

I pray I will live God is Love always. 

I pray I will feel God's Love through another person always. 

I pray (my soul) will leap in (my) womb, and be filled with the Holy Spirit when I am greeted by another always.

I pray (others' souls) will leap in (their) wombs, and be filled with the Holy Spirit when I greet them always.

Teach me to pray ~ Lectio Divina ~ St. Paul's Conversion Story and Mark's Gospel 13

Lectio Divina is Latin for divine reading, spiritual reading, or "holy reading," and represents a traditional Christian practice of prayer and scriptural reading intended to promote communion with God and to increase in the knowledge of God’s Word. It is a way of praying with scripture that calls one to study, ponder, listen and, finally, pray and even sing and rejoice from God's Word, within the soul.

I am kinda envious of the definition you just read because I didn’t write it!  I love the final line, “Pray and even sing & rejoice from God’s Word within the soul.”  

Ah man…

I pray I will sing and rejoice from God’s Word within my soul always.

Alright...alrightalright.

Lots of Scripture in this post!  Pray Lectio Divina and meet me at the end.  I see so many similarities in Saul’s conversion story and Mark’s Gospel.  


Here's my approach to Scripture in my prayer.  It starts the minute I hear the 'subject,' if you will, of the passage:


I bring to mind God is Love & Teach me to pray. 
I introduced this on September 6th as "Teach me to Pray."


How do I remember the passage?
Again, "Teach me to Pray" under one of the many tangents!


How am I feeling right now?
Just this week when I brought The Zebedee Boys to prayer.


I hold onto Jesus' encouraging words, 

"The kingdom of heaven is among you"

within you...

RIGHT NOW...

Emmanuel.

Are there questions asked in the passage? 
Remember the prayer "Teach me to pray ~ exodus prep?"


Alright...alrightalright.  Let's go!

Sit back.

Feel our hearts beat.

Be aware of our breath.

As (Saul) neared Damascus on his journey, 

suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 

He fell to the ground and 

heard a voice say to him, 

"Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?"

"Who are you, Lord?" Saul asked.

"I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting," he replied. 

"Now get up and go into the city, 

and you will be told what you must do."

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; 

they heard the sound but did not see anyone. 

Saul got up from the ground, 

but when he open ed his eyes he could see nothing. 

So they led him by the hand into Damascus. 

For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. 

The Lord called to him in a vision, 

"Ananias!"

"Yes, Lord," he answered.

The Lord told him, 

"Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street 

and ask for a man from 

Tarsus named Saul, 

for he is praying. 

In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come

 and place his hands on him to restore his sight."

"Lord," Ananias answered, 

"I have heard many reports about this man

 and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. 

And he has come here with authority

 from the chief priests to arrest 

all who call on your name."

But the Lord said to Ananias, 

"Go! 

This man is my chosen instrument

 to carry my name before 

the Gentiles and their kings 

and before the people of Israel. 

I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."

Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. 

Placing his hands on Saul, 

he said, 

"Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, 

who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—

has sent me so that you may see again

 and be filled with the Holy Spirit."

 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, 

and he could see again. 

He got up and was baptized, 

and after taking some food, 

he regained his strength.

~ Acts of the Apostles 9:3-19

whoa...

Let's take a minute to let this rest with us...

The next part might prove to be a challenge...


I already brought to you the passage:  Mark's Gospel 13.  It's about The Son of Man's second coming.

Bring to mind God is Love & Teach me to pray. 

How do I remember the passage? 

How am I feeling right now? 

I hold onto Jesus' encouraging words, "The kingdom of heaven is among you...within you...RIGHT NOW...

Are there questions asked in the passage? 

Take a walk and come back...

Alright...alrightalright.

Sit back.

Let's feel our hearts beat.

Become more aware of our breathing...

Marry our heart beats with our breath...

Jesus said to his disciples:
"In those days after that tribulation
the sun will be darkened,
and the moon will not give its light,
and the stars will be falling from the sky,
and the powers in the heavens will be shaken.

"And then they will see 'the Son of Man coming in the clouds'
with great power and glory,
and then he will send out the angels
and gather his elect from the four winds,
from the end of the earth to the end of the sky.

"Learn a lesson from the fig tree.
When its branch becomes tender and sprouts leaves,
you know that summer is near.
In the same way, when you see these things happening,
know that he is near, at the gates.
Amen, I say to you,
this generation will not pass away
until all these things have taken place.
Heaven and earth will pass away,
but my words will not pass away.

"But of that day or hour, no one knows,
neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

~ Mark 13: 24-32

What do you think?  How are you hearing these passages?  How are you feeling right now?  Is the similarities between these passages as strong for you as for me?  Ready to talk about it?  


Let's pray...

In Emmanuel...Have I experienced "The Second Coming of Man?"


Quite frankly...YES!  a resounding YES!  

   ...e v e r y   t i m e   I   p r a y...
      

  alright.

  THAT is a little dramatic, wouldn't you say?  ah man...

  to qualify: every time I feel Emmanuel when I pray

  every time Emmanuel helps my attitude

       evolve more into God is Love.

  every time my behavior reflects God is Love.

I cry.

Peace... 

Jars of Clay lyrics "There Might Be A Light" and Song of Songs ~ in my heart, on my mind, in my life

The Second Chapter in Song of Songs

starting with the 8th line...

Hark! my lover-here (my lover) comes

springing across the mountains,

leaping across the hills.

My lover is like a gazelle

or a young stag.

Here (my lover) stands behind our wall,

gazing through the windows,

peering through the lattices.

My lover speaks; (and) says to me,

"Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one,

and come!

"For see, the winter is past,

the rains are over and gone.

The flowers appear on the earth,

the time of pruning the vines has come,

and the song of the dove is heard in our land.

The fig tree puts forth its figs,

and the vines, in bloom, give forth fragrance.

Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one,

and come!

"O my dove in the clefts of the rock,

in the secret recesses of the cliff,

Let me see you,

let me hear your voice,

For your voice is sweet,

and you are lovely."

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes

that damage the vineyards; for our vineyards are in bloom!

My lover belongs to me and I to (my lover);

(My lover) browses among the lilies.

Until the day breathes cool and the shadows lengthen,

roam, my lover,

Like a gazelle or a young stag

upon the mountains of Bether.

Ah man.

I cry.

I AM... Love

Pray with me.

I imagine our Triune God as the Gazelle when I hear Song of Songs with my heart.

I wonder why I love God sometimes from

behind my wall,

gazing through the windows,

peering through the lattices.

Pray with me.

I wonder why I sometimes hide from God

behind a wall...in the Garden's Trees...

I wonder why I sometimes choose to forget God

 comes looking for me

in The Garden...

"Where are you?  Why are you hiding?"

I wonder why I sometimes don't recognize God

when God waits for me outside the tomb

calling out to me by name...

"Mary, who are you looking for?"

Why am I afraid to be with

Emmanuel...

I pray I will always invite our Triune God into all I do.

I pray I will always seek our Triune God into all I feel.

I pray I will always feel our Triune God’s presence while I pray.

Pray with me.

I imagine I am the Gazelle when I hear Song of Songs with my heart.

I wonder why I keep God

behind a wall,

gazing through the windows,

peering through the lattices.

Ah man.

I cry.

Pray with me.

Remember The Transfiguration prayer I brought to the front so long ago...

Label:  transfiguration…

Peter, John and James wanted to build three tents for Jesus, Elijah and Moses.  

Pray with me.

I wonder why I sometimes place God

behind a wall...inside a tent...

I wonder why I sometimes keep God to myself...

box God in...

I wonder why I sometimes believe my wall built through my custom...

my culture...

my tradition...

my institution...
is the one true tent, box, walled courtyard.

I wonder why I sometimes choose to forget

the Canaanite Woman...

Why am I afraid of

Emmanuel...

I pray I will keep our Triune God free to express unconditional forgiveness.

I pray I will keep our Triune God’s creation alive.

I pray I will climb the wall, open the windows, clear the lattices.

Jars of Clay presented a concert in my town Halloween Weekend.  When I heard There Might be a Light I felt transported to my daily prayer in the second chapter of Song of Songs starting with the 8th line...

Jars of Clay ~  There Might be a Light

I wait outside your house

And sing below your window

And I look for the light to show, I know

I know that it will come on, come on, come on

Come on soon

There might be a light

Somewhere in your mind

When you think of you and I

I wait for it to shine

I know it will come on, come on, come on

Come on soon

It will come on, come on soon

And it's just the way things go

When you love someone and they don't know

Sparks and hearts, they have to glow

They just glow, they just glow

You know they just come on, 

come on, come on, come on

They just come on, come on, come on

There is no delusion, to you I don't exist

I am only shadow

Only a ghost can wait as

long as I have for this

And I, I can't wait much longer

'Cause there might be a light

Somewhere in your mind

When you think of you and I

I know there will be a light

It might not burn very strong

But I know it's coming on

It will come on, come on, come on

I sit back.  Breathe and feel my heart sigh...